I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
