what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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