drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
