No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
