The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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