Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
