A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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