im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
