you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
