living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
