I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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