Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize