Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
