got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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