saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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