You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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