??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
thus making me awesome and them whores
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think your dad took our porno
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
