a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
