there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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