I'm so fucking centered right now
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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