Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
