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clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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