I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
