I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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