are you still at the devil's house?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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