Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
