We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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