oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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