ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
