Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize