this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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