Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
