I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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