I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize