i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
