You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
