god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
