none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
