Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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