"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
