Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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