You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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