I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize