Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
