First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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