i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
