Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
