He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
