I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How does one acquire holy water?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
