I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
