The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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