it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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