my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
