Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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