Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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