I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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