she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
