There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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