we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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