thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
