do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
