I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
