honey bunches of taint.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
