I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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