what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
