Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
4 words: hood of his car
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
