I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
