She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
