her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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