his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
