Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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