Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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