oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
