nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
