the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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