I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
