Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
