I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you never un-have a 4some
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
