so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
