At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
