Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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