I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
