They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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