Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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