You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
