Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
