Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
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