I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
