Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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