you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
