oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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