i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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