He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
