I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
