the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
