he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
